soulful owl

down to the water

2012-02-19T09:20:00.002-05:00

new moon in pisces this tuesday and some insight from astrologist molly hall.

“A soulful release and unraveling happens at this lunation, with the energies of oceanic Neptune leading the way. The Sun and Moon meet at 2 degrees Pisces, with Neptune nearby. It’s truly a divine moment to surrender, when subtle currents soften and dissolve, what’s been so seemingly rigid, unresolvable. It’s a New Moon for miracles!”

“It comes in a year when the three biggies — Uranus, Neptune and Pluto — work on us and all of society, through soul deep transformation…”

“It’s a special time for letting go, not passively, but with full awake engagement. In the days before, enter a dialogue with the soul, and signal that you’re making clearing the space in every way. You might be compelled to clear the clutter, or wrap up loose ends.”

“It’s possible to sense the presence of soul, and honor its messages (in dreams, epiphanies). Mercury in Pisces runs currents that tune us in to the mystical ways we’re always communicating — to each other and the pulse of life. Be alert to serendipity!”

“Pisces is a sign of extremes, taking us to ecstatic mystical highs, or nightmarish lows. It’s a very impressionable time for all of us, with psychic boundaries thin and wispy. In these days of the New Moon and beyond, be wise about what you’re exposed to. Listen to music that uplifts your soul, or choose movies/shows that enchant or inspire. It makes a huge difference…”

”In closing, it’s a New Moon for daring to be as profound, compassionate, idealistic, etc, as you really are. A trine to Saturn (Libra) from Sun-Moon-Neptune is an invitation to find an alternative path, by giving form to your dreams. And to find release from karmic relationships, through forgiveness, and seeing from the other person’s view. The form and attitude of forgiveness takes place in the dark, within your own psyche.”

“If you’re discouraged or even distressed by the seeming uptick of chaos, find a refuge at the New Moon. Ask for healing energies to wash and purify you in your sleep. If those around you are stressed or demoralized, resolve to live with greater heart, purpose and joy.”

“To make a vow, or declare your devotion to a cause. To commit to your art. To refresh your altar. Calling in the full Zodiac, since Pisces includes all signs, go ahead and light a white candle (since white contains all the colors) and declare your intention. To make a New Moon collage, song, drawing, photograph or poem.”

“To do all you can to stay faithful, in this super challenging time for us all. To be forgiving of yourself and others. To be clear about your boundaries. To speak what you know, and act on subtle intuition. To allow the healing to happen.”

© Copyright 2012 Molly Hall:. All Rights Reserved

It Starts Here. ~

2012-02-09T09:30:00.000-05:00

as i look outside

what is within is reflected back

and so,

if i don't like what i see

it is time to shake things up.

It Starts Here. ~ S. Ashley Hunt

2012-02-05T14:28:00.000-05:00

enjoying a leisurely sunday afternoon

a lightbulb

2012-01-24T20:41:00.001-05:00

a quiet day today, following a couple of quiet days. noticing how difficult it can be to simply allow it~give permission to do little, to not achieve or seek out distraction and the compulsion to be doing doing and accomplishing. the morning started with blue sky and sunlight dancing on plants; watching 3 birds sitting on the neighbor's roof, 2 facing me and the other facing the opposite direction. yerba mate with almond milk and honey, with a small piece of banana chocolate chip bread made yesterday afternoon. a quick trip to the train station to drop the man off and then an open stretch of time . . . a massage to take care of myself and then music, journaling and some reading.

thinking now about how true this is :

"Unless we are very, very careful, we doom each other by holding onto images of one another based on preconceptions that are in turn based on indifference to what is other than ourselves. This indifference can be, in its extreme, a form of murder and seems to me a rather common phenomenon. We claim autonomy for ourselves and forget that in doing so we can fall into the tyranny of defining other people as we would like them to be. By focusing on what we choose to acknowledge in them, we impose an insidious control on them. I notice that I have to pay careful attention in order to listen to others with an openness that allows them to be as they are, or as they think themselves to be. The shutters of my mind habitually flip open and click shut, and these little snaps form into patterns I arrange for myself. The opposite of this inattention is love, is the honoring of others in a way that grants them the grace of their own autonomy and allows mutual discovery."
~Anne Truitt

i long to be conscious enough in my interactions with those i love, those that i cherish in order to do this. to allow them to be who they are without trying to impose what i've constructed in my head about who they are, whether for better or for worse. the idea of mutual discovery sounds so authentic and organic that it's nearly impossible for me not to yearn for it, to not want to embrace, encourage and foster the proper environment for it; which would be one that inhabits grace, openness and awareness.

it makes me swoon when i come across nuggets of wisdom like this that help me continue to open my eyes and live a life led by my heart.

the tide

2012-01-19T12:22:00.000-05:00

i find it interesting to witness myself during an argument or conflict. to be able to viscerally feel anger, sadness, frustration in my body and to be aware of the satisfaction that while very short-lived, is gained from throwing that barb i know better than to throw. or falling into familiar patters of reaction, non-listening or not listening with my heart but listening with my ego. the power we possess is astonishing and the power of awareness is both humbling and motivating. the hope that next time i will stop myself from spinning into habits, patterns and behaviors that do not serve and do not foster communion, grace or love. the reflection that inevitably comes following interactions that i helped to steer into a certain direction, often an unnecessary direction. the lure of self-loathing and viciousness directed at myself or others, and the pull of loving-kindess, patience and grace wanting to be bestowed upon myself and others. it is this tide that i ride, sometimes less of a tide and more of a wave; i choose to be here, i choose to be conscious and i choose to continue to work towards allowing the kinder gentler me that exists to be more fully embraced and expressed.

and then there is this sweet reminder that i found today. when you look it is there, the wisdom, the love, the grace and the gentleness.

swishes, swooshes and wishes

2012-01-18T18:21:00.000-05:00

change, i'm learning, happens in bits. my dreams, hopes and goals start out big, outlined in my journal, in my mind and gently settling into my heart. sometimes things are forgotten altogether and other times i find myself constantly reminding myself, not so gently mostly, about how i haven't accomplished, done or succeeded in what i had originally thought. however, lately i'm beginning to notice how i'm taken steps and making choices that support my desire to change in healthy ways. for example making a choice to feed myself in ways that are more nourishing and more often made at home then bought while out and about. taking an hour to practice yoga at home since i was unable to make it to a class, instead of squandering that hour playing on facebook or some other distraction worthy gem. change isn't one grand swoop, but tiny little swishes that change the geography. it makes it easier to be kinder to myself when choices are made that don't support my growth and evolution. it makes it easier to trust myself and to trust that the universe is supporting me and that eventually i will do ______, or ________ or stop doing ________ and ___________. i think some lessons are likely harder to learn, some changes harder to make, but it feels quite good to know that somewhere inside of me some greater being is hearing my heart song and helping me to find the chords.

Photo a day challenge: January 2012

2012-01-11T14:26:00.000-05:00

just caught on to this and even though i'm starting late, i will still have 20 days to play :)

fat mum slim: Photo a day challenge: January 2012: If you ask me to do something, there's a good chance that I'll do it. Especially if it involves being creative. Recently Leah asked if I cou...

heart of darkness meets heart of light

2012-01-10T12:47:00.003-05:00

Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss,

you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.
When you can see that, you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you
that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.
― Joseph Campbell

turning the leaf over

2012-01-03T13:09:00.000-05:00

it just occurred to me that there is no need to take myself so seriously. upon making that realization i felt laughter bubble up from deep within and i could do nothing but succumb to the giddiness that felt like it was shimmying from head to toe.

i don't need to get it right.

i don't have to have it all figured out.

i don't have to know what tomorrow will bring in order to enjoy today.

i don't have to do the right things in order to be taken seriously*, and in fact, the more i let go and just live, be, love and sparkle the more i will probably be taken seriously*.
*seriously, meaning respected, adored, accepted etc
and, all of those things don't really matter coming from others, so long as they are coming first and foremost from myself.

life is a beautiful journey meant to be explored. today, i choose joy, bumbling like a nectar-drunk hummingbird. let the "mistakes" pile up as i learn what i means to be fully, authentically, and unabashedly myself.

wahooooooo.....

*wildly & blissfully*

oh the stars, the stars. . .

2012-01-03T10:11:00.001-05:00

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
This month, Mars stations retrograde in your birth sign. This is another way of saying Mars will spend a total of eight months in Virgo, about 10 weeks of which it will seem to be traveling backward. Mars is the most assertive planet, so this backtracking is often considered challenging—but it serves a crucial purpose, for you and for us all. The planets seem determined to teach you how to use this mysterious, elusive thing known as your will. Everything you experience must be filtered through one question—what do you want? You will develop the skill of discernment; for example, sorting out everything in your life on the basis of whether it helps you or hurts you. You can learn new ways to correct what is not working about your life, and what you don’t like about yourself. Mars is a hot, sharp object, and it has no morals of its own. You therefore need to be the intelligence behind the changes, and cultivating that awareness is the whole point. Proceed with surgical precision, getting clear on the mental level, then checking with the deeper emotional level and, finally, making your actual adjustments meticulously and carefully. Take the whole duration of the retrograde (January 23 to April 13) to identify and correct the patterns you don’t like, and to cultivate the ones that you know you want and need. Take nothing for granted. There’s no such thing as too careful—unless you spend your days in hesitation.

2012-01-02T13:24:00.000-05:00

focusing on a full expression of love and gratitude in 2012

hawk medicine

a few years ago i stopped making new year's resolutions because i felt the act was no longer serving me. i chose instead to begin choosing a word or a couple of words that i could focus on throughout the year and that would help me to better focus my energies as i attempted to build a life that i felt was more completely mine and more representative of who i was growing into. i still feel drawn towards choosing words and setting intentions, but this year it was less of a meditative and contemplative practice for me and more of an affirmation of the thoughts, things and ideas i want to continue to manifest in this life. essentially, focusing on living fully and authentically with expressions of gratitude and love for what is and what does surround me. continuing to invite joy, abundance, playfulness and magic into my life while balancing my desires to pursue my dreams. continuing to explore what it is and what it looks like to make choices that result in my mind, body and soul to be taken care of, nurtured and nourished; to learn how to honor and speak my truth.

much has changed in the past few weeks and i am looking forward to this winter to settle, to nest and to explore how to let go of the masks, the defenses, the reactions that to not represent the gentle, compassionate and loving being that is me. i feel that in some ways i have been granted an awesome opportunity to make a big shift and to start anew. a year to focus on hopes instead of fears....

happy new year.

*wildly & blissfully*

ah, yes.

2011-12-16T11:38:00.001-05:00

“Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.” ― Voltaire

cozy surrender

2011-12-15T11:51:00.002-05:00

a cozy night of slumber with dreams unremembered this morning when i awoke to the sound of rain and a snoring dog. savoring the next two weeks where solo slumber (save a bed-hog of a dog) and living are still a reality, not because the idea of sharing space is something i'm not looking forward to wholly and fully, but because it seems careless not to acknowledge and appreciate.

it's awesome how growth and moving forward so entirely involve letting go, releasing, transition and change. how perfect that the move comes shortly following the winter solstice and this releasing ceremony, part of some online magic i've been partaking in this past month or so. what would you like to release?

i surrender to love, to chance, to bliss, to abundance, to taking a leap. i trust i will be caught :)

packing soundtrack

2011-12-13T12:28:00.002-05:00

surrounded

2011-12-03T11:08:00.001-05:00

these days they have been stunning. beauty lurking seductively behind every corner... temperatures allowing for sandal wearing in november and a december that so far has been graciously gorgeous. weekend mornings always feel so much different, they play on a different speed and this coming from a girl who doesn't always have a traditional weekend.

i have been exploring my life and attempting to put into place what most resembles my dreams and fulfills my desires. do i go in search of conventional security and financial "safety" or do i continue to eke it out on my own- figure out a way to provide myself with the cushions that a 9-5 may, while making some alterations that take me more in the direction i'd like to go. the mind can offer some surprising rationalizations and justifications, making it difficult to discern truth and perception. we create our own realities and can shift things so easily by tweaking our perception of things. so it comes down to what i want to see. i spent many hours the past few days fretting and focusing on things i'd much rather not focus. i'd much rather spend time focusing on and appreciating the abundance already present in my life, in hopes like will attract like.

right now i will do my best to live in this very moment-where my dog is snuggled against my hip, my strong coffee is quickly surging through my body, 8tracks.com is providing a toe-tapping soundtrack and nag champa is delighting my olfactory senses. later, an aromatherapy open house at this gifted woman's "laboratory" and then swing dancing with my beau.

in this life, there is always something to be grateful for.

*wildly & blissfully*

today is

2011-11-28T12:00:00.001-05:00

~ watching iris stare out the window while waiting for a walk
~ recalibrating after a weekend away
~ configuring ways to best feed and nourish my body days and days of sweet indulgence
~ settling into decisions made regarding work and future
~ strong, strong coffee then soothing warm tea
~ appreciation for unseasonably warm temperatures tinged with thoughts of what this may do to delicate eco-systems
~ laundry, candles and Wah! on Pandora
~ feelings of gratitude, hope and trust

pitchfork and knitting go hand in hand...

2011-11-15T18:12:00.002-05:00

<a href="http://aupalais.bandcamp.com/track/tender-mercy">Tender Mercy by AU/PALAIS</a>

november so far. . .

2011-11-14T23:56:00.002-05:00

starling magic

2011-11-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

who doesn't need a little bit of magic in their day from time to time? today, being 11-11-11 there is much talk about a shift of a collective shift of consciousness. a chance to renew intentions for yourself or for the world. i am embracing this while taking full advantage of the possible auspiciousness of this day, the numbers and what they may represent and the chance to try to stay connected with my core-while things stay as they ever will in a state of constant change and flux.

clarinet

2011-10-28T11:58:00.000-04:00

i am going to teach myself to play this song on my clarinet before the end of this year. 2 months - go!

searching for bliss

2011-10-27T23:11:00.000-04:00

i've been feeling in a bit of a funk lately. nothing i can quite put my finger on, but it's a nagging and sneaky funk that pops up and engulfs me at various times during the course of the day. problem is there really isn't anything wrong and that is what i find even more irksome. myself, my friends, my family and my dog are all healthy. i have many blessings and am fortunate in many ways. my business is slowly growing and in all honesty it is quite enough that it simply exists.

the only thing i keep coming back to is passion. spark. i feel like i'm missing my passion. there are things i am excited about, bringing me joy and satisfaction. but there is nothing that i MUST do to feel complete, something that makes me feel remiss when/if i miss it, nothing that makes me absolutely soar. i take full responsibility for that. i tend to dip my toes in things, but never fully immerse myself. i could be oh so passionate about yoga, but i hold myself back. i could be passionate about food (both eating and making), but i settle for mediocre or ease far too often. there are more things i could add to that list.

so i've decided that i'm going to start focusing on and asking myself, "what makes you really feel alive?" what makes me smile, feel impassioned, empowered, sparkly? and once i've narrowed it down, i'm going to do my darndest to start really pursuing those activities. put energy, investment, commitment into the mix. . .

i'm going to find my passion, and be blissful.

slowing down to be guided forward

2011-10-25T13:35:00.000-04:00

remember those bowls from anthropologie i gifted myself a few months ago? i've broken two of them already. i chipped one the other day, and today i smashed that one and another together clumsily. i've got dishes i've moved with me in the 10+ moves i've made in about the same amount of years, and they've got nary a crack or chip.

truth be told, i've woken up the past two days with the gremlins chatting up a storm and i imagine that it is my focus on those naysaying voices instead of being present and being kind to myself that are contributing to the carnage of said bowls.

so now i am pausing. i'm going to eat a vanilla caramel and slow way down.

swallowing up the sweet apple cider

2011-10-18T12:36:00.000-04:00

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
~ Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

a most magical sunday.

2011-10-17T12:25:00.000-04:00

bag-piper walking up chestnut street

a couple from another era

Yum-Yum noodle in Woodstock. seriously YUM

free concert with Levon Helm in Hurley, NY complete with a pumpkin canon

and a mischievous little raccoon for good measure.

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

2011-10-17T12:14:00.000-04:00

i stumbled upon this video and song thanks to this wild woman. . . florence is consistent in her ability to give me goosebumps and make me think, dance and re-emerge from the hypnotic trance her songs put me into feeling powerful, confident and perfectly vulnerable; that sort of cracked right open that fosters growth and insight.

i sunk into reverie deep after listening to "shake it out" a few times and realized that it is time for myself to do a little bit of shaking out, and that actually i had already begun to do so. perhaps a process that has long been in motion but that i'm being gifted with an ability to grasp, perceive and witness-even if in hindsight. it could be attributed to the change of season, the new crisp fall air and the winds that howl and send leaves soaring and floating through the sky but suddenly i feel like i am shedding a skin, changing my coat, preparing myself for both a hibernation and a rebirth.

a few weeks ago i was gently reminded by a friend that i have the tendency to hang on to the past. another friend has recently commented on the dichotomy, which i like to believe most exhibit, between confident, clear and strong and the fuzzy core that i sometimes fall back to. the constant "what-if'", "possibly", "maybe". . . either to try to explain someone else's motivations, or my lack of taking action. so you can imagine my surprise when faced with some tough decisions lately, rather than falling back into the comfortable "delay" or "stagnation" i moved forward with a confidence that was at once foreign and familiar while taking responsibility for myself, my happiness, my truth. i didn't wait for someone else to make a decision for me, or to allow something to happen "to" me and instead acted with clarity and confidence. which isn't to say that i haven't since wavered or contemplated, felt unsure or stuck, or even sometimes absolutely panic-stricken. but i am able to recognize the importance of my decisions, my choices and the ability to empower myself by taking responsibility for myself and my life in a way that has previously eluded me.

i have set about nesting in my home, making it cozy and transforming it into more the a nurturing and comfortable haven that i envision when i think of "my home". i am continuing to take steps to listen to my intuition, listen to my heart, hear the beat of my truth that drums to my soul in my dreams. the more align i am with my heart, intuition and truth, the more i absolutely believe abundance and magic will dance like confetti in my life. and who doesn't want some magic and sparkle in their life??

2011-10-10T13:49:00.000-04:00

during the past few days i had a psychic/tarot reading, caught a miserable cold that is hanging on with eagle sized talons, watched my brother get married and debated with myself the overall course of my life.

i think i'll try to stick with the day to day. . . .

2011-09-21T11:33:00.000-04:00

goodness, it has been over a month since my last post. in that time, i have turned a year older, watched my business begin to grow (little) wings, deepened relationships while letting go of others, become reacquainted with old friends... to name a few.

so much can shift in even just a few days, let alone a few weeks. i've found myself loving myself gently, being accepting, kind and compassionate and then other times letting my gremlins haunt me-keeping me silent here and spending far too much time in my own head. i sometimes get caught up in the ideas of what i should be doing, how the things that i actually am doing should somehow look different... it's all very stagnating. i desire flow, grace and gentle acceptance, all the while trusting my intuition and having an innate sense of what is right for me. it matters not if it does not make sense to others, or if they disagree or don't understand a course of action.

i write many lists of intentions, hopes, wishes and they often have similarities that can be embarrassing. maybe it's the autumn settling in but my visions these days include a quietness and calm that makes my bones ache. i want to spend more time noticing and appreciating the little bits of beauty and wonder that constantly surround me, i want to play with my camera more, i want to share here more, i want to drink more tea..

stars

2011-08-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

I've been drawn to astrology since I was a wee one, though I've yet to really make an investment or commitment to become well versed in it. I remember a horoscope book for the year was often on my Christmas list and I've often attempted to seek out seemingly right in target astrologers/horoscopes via the Internet. On a trip to the west coast this winter I was lucky enough to have my chart read and explained to me by a gifted individual and it has helped me a lot this year because it fostered a better understanding of "things", as elusive as that may sound. it is always a tad unnerving to read a horoscope and have it be so awesomely in tune with what is currently happening, and it also can provide great insight when life is confusing or I'm unsure of my next move - validation or motivation..
so leave it to eric Francis to basically sum it all up, put it in a little box with a beautiful ribbon and bow for me to open like the gift it is. a bit a wisdom and insight and the opportunity to relax myself into what I already "know" as well as an invitation to delve into the inner workings of me in order to better define and manifest that which I desire to be in my life.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22) -- You possess a deep desire to be the perfect companion. You have not given up, even given the challenges you've faced in your relationships in recent years, and that you may face today. We live in a profoundly challenging time to relate to other people. Many social forces, from false individuation to rampant narcissism, drive people away from one another. It does not help that we are force-fed romanticized notions of relationship that simply do not work, and were never meant to do anything other than sell products. You are feeling the full strength of your capacity to love right now. I suggest you match that with two things: one is a clear and realistic notion of what relationships are for, and why you want to be in them. The other is the habit of maintaining your wholeness. The more whole you are as an individual, the more whole you will be as a relationship partner.

2011-08-08T13:25:00.000-04:00

all of a sudden it was noon. there was bread rising on top of the fridge, fresh hummus and guacamole in the fridge and a kitchen cleaned and refreshed.
and always this song and the memory of listening to it with my father, that shoots straight to the core of my being...

simple things, accomplished in solitude, save the presence of a begging dog at my feet, that make my heart sing today.

stream of consciousness.

2011-08-02T11:53:00.000-04:00

feeling a push and pull though longing to be more settled.
stop start. stop start.
trying to trust. trying to believe in myself and manifest abundance.
feeling unsure of my steps much like in the new dances i try to learn at swing dance lessons.
so much new knowledge at my fingertips perhaps that accounts for my feelings of trepidation.
move past the fear. allow the fear to propel.
that only serves as so much of a balm.
back to the drawing board.
i am, however, deeply deeply grateful; even with my cautiousness, my doubt, my curiosity, my desire to be where i imagine.

celebrations and change

2011-07-24T10:05:00.000-04:00

"retro" colored latte bowls from anthropologie

i ordered these bowls at the beginning of the month to celebrate my one year anniversary of being a licensed and practicing massage therapist. they are a bright splash of color in my kitchen and i smile each time i grab one from the shelf.

i am beginning to realize how important it is to celebrate even the small milestones in life, so as to remind myself of the awesome wonder of intentions set forth becoming more reality than dream or speculation.

so that accounts for the celebration... now for the change.

i have always wanted to practice massage therapy on my own and after passively looking for a space for a few weeks, i found one that i couldn't pass up. when i began practicing a year ago, i was starting at an established massage studio, working full-time at the bistro and also trying to create a private practice by renting space at a local yoga studio. as one could imagine, having my hand, so to speak, involved in so many things did not foster *success* and something had to give. i gave my space up at the yoga studio in march and started spending more time building my client base at the massage studio. to make a long story short... it wasn't enough. my passion to have my own practice, my own space was driving me to want something different. and so, Maitri Massage was born. funnily enough, it is practically directly across the street from the yoga studio i started out at a year ago. maybe the address was just wrong the first time around. i am feeling all shades of excitement, terror and delight. depending on the day, i'm either brainstorming and fluttering with creative energy or i'm idly sitting, feeling overwhelmed and static. i am doing my best to embrace it all, and making a conscious effort to slow myself down when i start rushing ahead. i have received amazing support from family and friends, and while leaving the massage studio was a difficult choice, it was a necessary step for my growth as an individual and as a massage therapist. this new journey will be interesting!

July horoscope

2011-07-08T14:24:00.002-04:00

Oh so true....

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
You’re rather sensitive to what others think of you, though it looks like you’re seeing the benefits in setting some limits to how much you let it affect you. There’s something deep here, and very likely something old. All humans and many other critters need affirmation and approval. That much we can all agree on. What we might disagree on is whether it’s a healthy impulse. I would say that it is, if we can manage to be the first place we go for that approval. Here’s why: If you seek acknowledgement outside yourself, you may be validating your doubt with greater strength than the affirmation providing nourishment. That is counterproductive. If, instead, you get into the habit of answering your own questions (primarily with yes) you will gradually discover that you exist, and that you have a right to exist. That’s what it all boils down to, kid. It’s not about winning the Grammy, the Oscar, or even a ribbon at the county fair. All of these things are, at least in theory, designed to inform you that you have a right to be here and to do what you really want to do. At this stage of your life, certain primal instincts are starting to wake up and inform you just how true this is. So if you feel your passion stir, don’t go back to sleep. If you feel your curiosity get restless, go seeking clues rather than assuming you know the answer. And if you desire validation, remind yourself that not only do you belong here—you’re actually here, and you know it.

glimpse

2011-07-08T12:46:00.000-04:00

my past couple of weeks have looked like this :

summer time bliss.....

2011-06-23T10:47:00.000-04:00

sitting on near the window in my third floor apartment as the thunder softly rolls and the rain drips off of branches and leaves. my view is treetops and raindrops. the sound is lulling and accompanied my itunes shuffle that seems to know just what kind of music to play. right now it's curtis mayfield crooning, "baby it's you". i am soaking up this moment and writing about it to capture it.

i started doing some "summer" cleaning yesterday and can already feel how the energy has shifted in my home from picking up clutter, ushering dust bunnies into the vacuum...

i never completed my 30 days of yoga. it didn't click, i stood in my own way, i wasn't ready... whatever the reason, i am ok with it. i did start taking a jivamukti class with an amazing teacher on wednesday nights and last night was my third week. the class is a perfect combination of flow, meditation, spirituality and heart-and an added bonus is that my beau takes the class on mondays so it's another level to connect on as we share our experiences and such.

last week i spent some time making strawberry balsamic jam which is delicious and i'm so excited to have something to share. i would like to do more cooking for myself/others as i enjoy it quite a bit. maybe with a little bit more planning, awareness and effort, i can begin to prepare things that will feed me throughout the week and also have things on hand to prepare an impromptu dinner or two.

the garden is some interesting work. many of my seeds are sprouting, and the transplants seem to be adjusting well. it is daunting however, at times as i look around and realize i've just got no clue what i'm doing-those mildly perplexed feelings though are also making it a little bit more fun. and ultimately, so what!! i'm committed and doing it and that's what really matters.

settling into summer and enjoying the almost magical quality of extra daylight. tucking it away for dreary, long gray days come winter...

})i({

summer solstice

2011-06-21T08:41:00.002-04:00

"Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?"- Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

marriage equality in New York, life, love, acceptance and understanding

2011-06-21T01:32:00.000-04:00

all in one itty, bitty quote....

"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
— Rainer Maria Rilke

bunkers

2011-06-21T00:38:00.000-04:00

unexpected fireworks jolted my senses last night as i sat in my sunroom watching a film while the evening breezes fluttered around med. i loved fireworks when i was growing up because they only took place on the fourth of july, involved a trip with my family to andover, and most usually resulted in me running through a field trying to catch fireflies. now i find them disturbing and disruptive, their "beauty" both fleeting and false. for some reason, they now always cause me to ponder what life must be like in war-torn countries where bombing is a daily or at least a frequent occurrence. i wonder about the panic that must strike and the subsequent worries about families, homes, pets, life...

sometimes i think that i must be so fortunate to live here in this country where things come with relative ease, where i am not constantly struggling with certain things that other women and other people have to deal with in other countries. however, i have also been exposed to extraordinary stories, women and people through reading etc that exhibit a tenacity and zeal for life that i may never possess. perhaps there is something exquisitely valuable in profound struggle/perseverance/strife.

Cults - You Know What I Mean - live @ Mercury Lounge, March 31, 2011

2011-06-17T11:20:00.000-04:00

"Manazuru"

2011-06-17T11:08:00.000-04:00

"It is true, all my life, I've been busy, changing. I see one landscape in the morning, and by noon it has changed. I feel one way at night, and in the morning things are different."

shifting moods

2011-06-15T10:13:00.000-04:00

i was having a bad day yesterday. not the type of day where catastrophe occurs, but just one of those icky, can't shake it, feeling rotten days. so i had a mayan mocha and a cake-pop from The Perfect Blend and i let myself just be where i was, which was muck and mire.

then i went to see midnight in paris. i laughed and swooned and when i left the theater the sky was scattered with purple and pink clouds as the sun set.
i was happy again.

2011-06-09T11:00:00.000-04:00

2011-06-08T11:33:00.002-04:00

unconventionally creative

2011-06-08T11:31:00.000-04:00

i'm finding it amazing how passion and zeal make things happen. suddenly this magical vortex of time makes itself available and the days are longer just so you can squeeze it all in.

when i remember that it's the little things, the simple moments and accomplishments... simplicity- that is when i'm happiest. contentedness courses through my veins like a quenching rainstorm that sinks deep to the roots of my plants. i am a plant and i water myself so that i can grow and blossom.

my mind races with thoughts of which herbs i want to buy, what flowers i want to get to fill in my plot. it feels good to be thinking of these things, as opposed to thinking about other, more trivial things i could be spending my money on. wholesome. sustaining.

sometimes i find myself marveling at this quiet happiness that has found me, or i it...

summer is the time for lemonade

2011-05-31T21:16:00.000-04:00

there is...

2011-05-31T19:42:00.000-04:00

this calm
akin to the feeling that follows a genuine deep cleansing breath
this is what consumes me right now
suddenly there is no longer the tension
the struggle against should, would and could
there is only what is
and i am embracing it
this feeling of easing, relaxing, accepting, realigning...

a list of things that made me swoon today ~

*an hour eating, enjoying a couple of delicious beers, some good conversations and an incredible book
*my dog inhaling me, nose to belly and paws wrapped around my waist, after i've been gone all day
*that same dog frolicking in a meadow with the uncanny ability to locate a mud puddle and a tennis ball
*seriously wolavers wildflower wheat beer which tastes of honey and chamomile (someone nicknamed me pooh last night... jus' saying)
*sweet, delicious, glisten inducing heat
*plants coming back to life
*waking up to a vase of fragrant roses from the deck that i had nothing to do with cultivating

2011-05-31T09:54:00.000-04:00

sweet summer you've found me
with your intoxicating smells and dizzying array of color
i would gladly float forever along your swollen, rolling and sun-dappled banks
in a pose of endless surrender

on an almost summer night

2011-05-30T23:56:00.003-04:00

June 30: Stockholm Syndrome, a photo by keribeth on Flickr.

on this most recent last night in vermont, clumps of fireflies floating in the distance with the stars glittering above-
i watched as the heat lightening rippled across the sky, the threat of thunderstorms whispering through the soft, green leaves with the breeze embracing my sweat moist skin.
breathing in deeply the wet, mosslike smell of the earth and the curious animal scents-
feeling my heart gently pounding in my chest,
knowing that it is these moments that will etch themselves into my memory. visceral, tangible, and forever lingering...

2011-05-27T09:27:00.000-04:00

this week i stumbled upon this recipe while checking in at Heidi Swanson's beautiful blog which has been a favorite of mine for a few years. She is a queen at blending healthy food and photography and one of these days i will own some of her books.

it is simple, light, and gratifying and is going to be a staple in my kitchen this summer.

finished goodness

sweet cream butter (oh, so good)

i was adamant about taking some time for myself this week. last night found me losing myself in a couple of books; it seems i tend to find a group of books i really enjoy all at the same time and end up juggling them. however, after quite a long spell of not having time to sit and read, i welcome devouring these books this weekend. speaking of this weekend, i'm heading to see my friends in vermont and to harvest some honey!! we prepared the hive last year and now it is time and i am beyond buzzing with excitement.

i feel so blessed to have these women in my life. it astounds me how people sometimes enter your life. there is a part of me that truly believes i was meant to befriend them, and perhaps others served as a conduit for this friendship. it also amazes me the effort that is required to maintain, nurture and sustain deep and meaningful connections to people. Also the sometimes not so gentle or kind realization that a great deal of effort ought not be afforded to some relationships has presented itself recently. i may be late to the game but while i've typically been relatively selective about with whom and how i spend my time, i'm becomingly increasingly aware and sensitive to what i'm actually building and creating. it has been a period of letting go, of feeling vulnerable and sometimes wounded, but i know i am stronger and more capable of attracting the type of authentic friendships that will be filled with the things i value most. i can fully appreciate a more superficial relationship with someone- i like to have fun and play too-it's just the ability to be mindful of how much energy i should invest as well as being aware that there are those that you can turn to for life support, and those that you can turn to for play.

i am getting better at inviting people into my life who are truly mirrors and not projectors. i am profoundly grateful for that and for the lessons that have allowed me to do so.

on a cloudy day

2011-05-23T10:56:00.000-04:00

i thank You God for most this amazing

day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

- E.E. Cummings

yes.

2011-05-22T11:43:00.000-04:00

came across this yesterday while looking at the metroland and it resonated in a big way.

http://metroland.net/2011/05/19/looking-back/

2-3/30

2011-05-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

days 2 and 3 of yoga were certainly not on the mat. today is my first full day off since mother's day. as frustrated tears were flowing down my cheeks yesterday i realized that not only was i reaching my breaking point, but that a very important lesson about boundaries was being presented to me if i chose to pay attention. i am not the type of person that can work and run constantly. i need time to lounge and reflect. daydreaming time. stolen moments are good but i need actual stretches of time where i don't have to be somewhere shortly, or be pushing away the to-do list that creeps behind the sweet reveries. the past two days i did move my body. i did a little bit of meditating. that will have to suffice for my yoga practice. no judgement from myself and no berating myself for what i could have or should have been doing. j was preparing to leave for almost 2 weeks and my choice, with the small amounts of free time that i had, was to spend it with him. and while there was a part of me that longed to be home, alone, doing yoga and trying to find some balance, i have no regrets.

lately i'm feeling pulled to my camera and also my cookbooks. part of my medicine today will be to bake some muffins for the week ahead. i looked around my apartment earlier this week and realized that it is so close to the image that i held in my head when i was first thinking of what i wanted to do with the space. talk about the power of visualizing! i'm feeling like there are many things that i set into motion months and perhaps even years ago that are coming to fruition and i'm astonished and grateful. grateful for my gentle perseverance, for believing in the power of intention. astonished at the sheer will of desire-without even knowing it sometimes, i was creating and inviting things that i wanted in my life. i am practicing massage therapy full-time and while not yet independently, i have faith that that will occur. i acquired a plot in the community garden and am heading to my plot shortly to finally weed and turn the soil over, broadcast some flower seeds to attract some helpful insects, sow some seeds and marvel at nature. i am nurturing relationships that are healthy for me, and letting languish the ones that don't serve my most authentic and vibrant self. and i'm dreaming, making lists of things that i want-being very specific and daring because i have the proof of the magic of visualization, of manifesting. i am so deeply grateful for all of the blessings in my life right now.

1/30

2011-05-19T15:22:00.000-04:00

today was the first day of my home practice. i found it difficult to get onto my mat, although i also found that i thought of it throughout the day and was feeling excited about getting started. over the past week i've been sent prompts to determine which type of practice would best serve me, to determine what my intentions are and to define my commitment to myself. after doing the flow that i chose for myself i think i'm going to try another one to see if it has more of a flow and some different poses. i think i probably got what i needed for today to reintroduce myself to yoga and my body to movement, but i feel that my body is craving more flow and more sustained movement.

The Paper Kites - Bloom

2011-05-11T10:59:00.000-04:00

2011-05-11T10:50:00.002-04:00

“I am still so naïve; I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?”

- sylvia plath

Pigeon pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana)

2011-05-06T12:27:00.002-04:00

Pigeon pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana), a photo by idamolander on Flickr.

i talk often here about wanting a consistent yoga practice and a home practice has eluded me for years. i finally got the gumption and the courage to sign up for 30 days of yoga, with Marianne Elliott. there is a bevy of resources and support to help me establish and sustain a home practice and given the upfront financial investment, also a bit of burning incentive.

i feel that there various ways that i practice yoga off of the mat. i am excited and curious to see what kind of profound effects a consistent physical yoga practice will have on my mind, body and soul. i'm trying to decide if i also want to make the commitment to blog about my 30 days so that i can have access to the transformation that will hopefully occur, as well as the struggles and successes along the way.

2011-05-04T12:05:00.000-04:00

while waiting at the chiropractor's office this morning i picked up the latest copy of "Mother Jones" and came across an article celebrating this woman. i didn't have time to finish the article but the snippet and the striking photographs were enough to pique my interest.

i am mesmerized.

2011-04-16T11:43:00.000-04:00

I am a lover of smells, which is why this post by erin has fueled my ~~need~~ uncontrollable desire to try some of out:

violet-leather

pauper

nationale6/7

today is a grey day perfect for tea and this 8tracks mix

I'm having a hard time getting motivated to go out and get some planters, soil and flowers for my deck; as well as some seeds for herbs. Maybe another cup of tea will help.

2011-04-07T12:30:00.000-04:00

sweet snippets

2011-04-07T12:25:00.000-04:00

i put off posting because i haven't anything clever to say. i haven't got insights to share or deep and profound thoughts to express.

what i do have are a collection of stolen moments listening to the cacophony of birds singing on either end of my apartment. i've got sunsets of pink and violet dust and slivers of moon sparkling in my eyes. i've got roasted beets and chocolate banana bread. i have overdue library items and a list of wanted items as long as my arm.

i've got friends falling into love while they are falling out of love and myself watching with guarded optimism and awe at the beam and glow when a spark ignites into a roaring, albeit tempered fire.

i have sweet and delicious full nights of slumber that i missed so very much. i've got meandering walks with my sweet and feisty pooch. i've got the sudden and slightly forced realization that my shift of employment MUST equal a shift in time and money spent.

and so it is.

Sun Airway - Your Moon

2011-03-26T11:02:00.001-04:00

2011-03-26T11:02:00.000-04:00

“The world is a den of thieves and night is falling. Soon it will be the hour for robbers and murderers. Evil is breaking its chains and goes through the world like a mad dog... So it shall be. Therefore let us be happy, let us be kind, generous, affectionate and good. Therefore it is necessary, and not in the least shameful, to take pleasures in the little world, good food, gentle smiles, fruit-trees in bloom and waltzes.”

2011-03-25T15:04:00.000-04:00

i'm still here. quite quiet, but here nonetheless.

feeling a little edgy today. weekend plans getting resorted and turned upside down. reminding myself to breathe and just allow the flow. feeling pushed by invisible pressures and/or expectations.

the birds are singing sweet and lovely songs, but it is still so very much winter. my bones are aching for the gentle breezes of spring. lately i've been imagining summer road trips with ever ounce of intention to see the ocean and feel the soothing pull of the water. also planning my garden now that i've officially obtained a plot from the this gem. still toying with the idea of making this silly little thing more public. until then.....

what if you slept?
and what if,
in your sleep
you dreamed?

and what if,
in your dream,
you went to heaven
and there plucked
a strange and
beautiful flower?

and what if,
when you awoke,
you had the flower in
your hand?
ah!!!

what then?

~samuel taylor coleridge ~

gypsy

2011-03-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

i have been spending time settling into my new home.

unpacking boxes, listening to music, hearing the new sounds that surround me.

this apartment is me. it feels like home already and it's only been a week.

i am getting a glimpse of who i am as i look around this new place still with a stranger's eyes.

i am feeling more calm and grounded than i have in a very long time.

almost like i finally let out a breathe that i was holding, without ever really being conscious of it.

so much change surrounding me but absolutely created and owned by me.

a quiet strength is radiating from my essence and it feels divine.

i find myself no longer participating in things i don't truly wish to.

this is a time for me.

a time for unabashed selfishness and joy.

baths. lazing. getting to know my tarot cards.

my dog and i are comfortable-the evidence of this crystal clear for me.

i am making the right choices. i am on a path that is connecting me to my inner strength and brilliance.

i shifted my work, putting more focus and making more time for that which i am passionate about.

i am trusting that these choices are going to continue to open doors for me that perhaps i did not even realize were closed - i envision myself crossing through these thresholds with grace, ease and gentle presence.

i am grateful. i am experiencing quiet bliss, embracing change, growth and evolution on a level i've not experienced before. but these changes have also brought about the truth. they are allowing me to see myself without the noise of my gremlins. i know what is true. i know what is right for me. i trust my intuition and my self to continue to guide me.

this is surrender. this is grace. this is living.

this is freedom.

i am free.

2011-03-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

“You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.”
— Rumi (via tinytruths.tumblr.com)

just a reminder

2011-02-26T22:33:00.002-05:00

1. Give thanks that life is... just as it is (and that it's been... just as it's been). Because of it, you're now "READY."

2. Define what you want in terms of the end result. Don't worry about the hows, or even the course. KNOW that what you want is ALREADY yours in spirit, by divine LAW, just focus on the certainty of this ownership, understand it, claim it, and "it will be on earth, as it is in heaven (spirit)."

3. LET THE UNIVERSE show you the way via your impulses and instincts that appear as you take inspired action. Don't worry that your first steps seem silly or futile. And if you don't know what to do, do anything! Go! Get busy! Do not insist on intermediary successes, only upon the end result.

2011 is going to be your year (it already is),
The Universe

flurry

2011-02-26T18:24:00.000-05:00

i'm spinning with trying to balance recovering from a back injury and needing to pack and move my nest in 3 days.

my apartment is in disarray. i feel out of focus and ungrounded, but i'm trying not to get taken over by a tidal wave of helplessness. i've had surprising offers of help and people popping up to support me as my back heals.

i'm starting regular acupuncture sessions to help clear and balance me and to try and help me to get out of my own way. i'm excited. i'm envisioning this move to be more than just a change of scenery and address. i'm juggling a lot of possibilities for my future while trying to remain open to new opportunities and continued growth in a positive direction. hopefully some new habits will arise out of needing to tweak some things while adjusting to my new space.

another toast to intention and manifestation.

2011-02-22T19:11:00.002-05:00

Originally uploaded by Endofmarch

because i've always wanted a tail.

moving meditation

2011-02-20T19:29:00.000-05:00

2011-02-19T02:18:00.000-05:00

sunshine and new views

2011-02-12T22:22:00.002-05:00

2011-02-11T15:19:00.000-05:00

i awoke briefly early this morning to find my kitchen flooded with sunlight.
i thought about grabbing my camera or my phone to capture it, but went back to sleep instead.

how often does this happen? choosing to return to a sweet and cozy slumber instead of waking up to capture life as it is happening....

Ghosts in the Snow

2011-02-08T23:42:00.002-05:00

Ghosts in the Snow
Originally uploaded by stuckinseoul

finding only the still darkness i am trying to escape
i retrace my steps to your door as the sun threatens to sneak above the horizon
the sound of my shoes striking the sidewalk-crunchy with ice and salt
the specter of you trailing behind me
like a thick, opaque wisp of fog
my rabbit heart pulsing against my ribs
with the memory of your mouth pressed softly to mine
lingering

2011-02-05T15:38:00.002-05:00

2011-02-02T22:15:00.001-05:00

i will never tire of this song or video.

souris

2011-02-02T19:43:00.003-05:00

Rhinebeck, NY 2009 NikonD40

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
Recently astronomers pulled a hoax claiming that the 12 zodiac signs have the wrong dates, and that there is a “13th sign.” I responded with a satire claiming that astronomers had discovered a “thirteenth animal” in the Chinese zodiac—the Mouse—and I compared it to the sign Virgo. I love Mouse because he’s organized and he thinks for the future. He has enough of what he needs. Though we make references to inventions compared to mousetraps, Mouse himself is an inventor. My shamanic teacher, the late Arthur Joseph Kushner, credited Mouse with inventing agriculture—the silo (what we call a hoard). You are in the midst of a powerful surge of energy through your 6th house of your solar chart—the house of applied knowledge. You have abundant information on your hands. You have excellent theories. Now, put these things to use. You also have boundless energy available to do what that might require, and the wits to do it in a fun, inventive way. Remember, as one of my Virgo healer colleagues reminded me at an opportune moment: Work smart rather than work hard. I would add that you need to take care of your health on the level of your nervous system. Meditate, take baths, and get outside no matter how chilly it may be. Exercise will be twice as good for your mind as it is for your body. Relax and you will be brilliant.

Baker Creek Heirloom Seed Company

2011-02-02T18:41:00.001-05:00

Baker Creek Heirloom Seed Company
Originally uploaded by zocalo2010

more snow has piled up outside
there is so much that i've got no control over
so it is essential that i focus on the things that i can control
instead of dreaming of a garden, i'm going to create one
i've been looking at seeds while sipping cocoa and listening to music
i signed up for a plot in the community gardens
i'm feeling excited and empowered

break it down to build it up

2011-02-01T15:02:00.000-05:00

given the circumstances surrounding me of late, i'm determined to put together a list of things that are truly important to me. not a list of the beautiful skirts and dresses i'd like to fill my closet from anthropologie, or the sweet jewlery i see on etsy that when i'm in the right kind of mood igetthisclosetopurchasing.

what are the things that make my soul sing? the things, events, activities that make me nearly burst with giddiness? with unabashed joy-my heart filled to the brim with love?

what are my "no matter whats"? the things that i must do every day to make me feel like me-the essence of me which is filled with bliss and joy and wonderment?

what are the things that i can let go of that don't serve me? what takes away from my light and my bliss?

2011-02-01T14:44:00.002-05:00

Originally uploaded by sandy honig

as i leaned down to kiss his forehead and say goodbye he said, "i just hope i don't come back as some dumb butterfly."

to which i replied, "but i like butteflies!"

his sweet, chuckling response was, "me too, kiddo. me too..."

2011-01-26T09:11:00.000-05:00

2011-01-23T23:05:00.000-05:00

i was mesmerized
the tiny stature of this young, beautiful and radiant young woman leveled against the enormity of her presence
the way her body leaned into the bass that towered over as though a fierce wind were blowing her forward
it seemed to embrace her and she it
as they melded into one
someone during intermission mentioned pastels and another responded watercolors
and i felt like i was swimming in a pool of softly hued and muted undertones
an undercurrent sweeping me away
immersed in her calm strength
the confident creature in me began to stir
i continue to rouse from the slumber and unfold
beauty confidence grace strength
manifest

wild is the wind

Saturday Song List

2011-01-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

2011-01-18T11:46:00.000-05:00

Tuesdays i will post love.
pictures.
words.
songs.
anything and everything, love.

"There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of that
Don't look outside, look inside yourself and seek that. "
*rumi*

wherever you go there you are

2011-01-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

i am home from a vacation that was both rejuvenating and slightly unsettling. watching my darling friend deeply grieving the loss of her mother shined light on my own relationship with myself and my mother. do i show my love enough? do i push too much? am i too hard on she and i; collectively and individually? have i done enough to foster the type of relationship that i would like to have with her? if i move across the country will i be able to stay close? will i regret it years from now when she has returned to the earth and i am more woman than girl? it also shines a light on how much of an impact it was for my mother to lose her mother, my grandmother - and it helped me understand better.

the trip also brought to light my desire to expand and experience different things. there is a large part of me that wants to explore what i would feel like, as me, in a different place. i'm curious how i would change and grow and continue to blossom and unfurl. there is also the thought that perhaps it is not necessary to move across the country to do any of those things. can i do them right here in this little place i call home? the place in which i've grown comfortable and things have become familiar?

the only thing i can really do, is be honest with myself. if i try to hide from the truth, if i am not straight with myself, i will surely know it one way or another. i can remain open to the clues and gentle nudges that will assist me in making a decision. meditate and embrace my intuition. dive deep into my life right now in the PRESENT while being acutely aware of my goals and dreams for the future.

today, i've been gifted an unexpected "snow day" and i will take advantage of it fully by drinking copious amounts of tea, walking to the library to find movies and nuzzling with my sweet dog whose nose is buried under the blankets as she dreams her doggie dreams.

2011-01-16T02:18:00.003-05:00

I want to be a lost poem in a stranger’s coat pocket, which conveys the importance of you. To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams. I want all the possibilities of you in writing. I want to give you your reflection. I want your eyes on me, I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there, and I want everything before you to follow us like a trail behind me. I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone. I want so much… I’m breathless. I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in your pocket so I can sew it. I want my words to scream through you. I want the poem not to mean that much. And I want to contradict myself by accident, and for you to know what I mean. I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close, I want endless days when it’s day and night time never to end when it’s night. I want all the seasons in one day. I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us. I want water up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain, up to our ankles with holes in our shoes. I want to think your thoughts because they’re mine.I want only what’s urgent with you. I want to get in the way of the barriers and I want you to be a tough guy when you’re supposed to, like you do already. And I want you to be tender, like you do already. And I want us to have met for a reason and I want that reason to be important. And I want it to be bigger than us, I want I to take over us. I want to forget, I want to remember us. And when you say you love me I don’t want to think you really mean NYC, and all the fun we have in it. And I want your smile always and your grimaces too. I want your scar on my lips, and I want you disappointments in my heart. I want to believe everything you say, and I do. And I want you to tell me what’s best when I don’t know. And when you’re lost I want to find you. And when you’re weary I want to give you steeples and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams. I want to drag you from the darkness and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us…And…

(from Chelsea Walls)

shooting star

2011-01-09T21:48:00.001-05:00

shooting star
Originally uploaded by x376

last night i dreamt of shooting stars.

someone else was driving a car in the mountains during dusk, and star after star shot across the horizon.

i think the first time i saw a shooting star was on the night of my friend zach's memorial service. he died an untimely death and i was beside myself with grief and regret.

since then, i've seen shooting stars during times of doubt and question. "am i heading the right way" - "am i walking the right path?", so i suppose it's apropos that i dreamt of them (him) last night.

i search the night sky and i search my heart. looking for the answers to the yet unasked questions.

shaking things up

2011-01-05T21:25:00.000-05:00

i got to enjoy a little chuckle at my own expense this week. you see, i found one of my old journals from last year that for one reason or another was abandoned as i took to writing in other places. a theme - energy scattered. in this journal was my word(s) for last year which were-----nurture and nourish.

that being said, i'm choosing new words. i think it would be accurate to say that this lack of focus and commitment needs some attention. and with the amount of berating i gave myself for re-choosing words that i chose last year, this years words or phrase is gentle presence.

it is my intention to be present in my life and to be gentle with myself whether i'm veering off course or seemingly right on track. suffice it to say that there is much more depth to this intention that i'm just not able to articulate right now. but hopefully it will blossom on this blog as i continue to share.

while i was at it, i gave my blog a make-over. hope you like it :)

"wanderlust"

2011-01-05T19:03:00.001-05:00

Everything is invented

Child's Pose

2011-01-05T14:01:00.001-05:00

Child's Pose
Originally uploaded by Lissy Elle

Child's pose because I need to rest.

Because I need to remind myself that in the scheme of things, I am a child of the universe.

Because I need to see the world through a child's eyes - witnessing the magic and the joy that surrounds me.

Because I need laughter and innocence.

Because I surrender.

2011-01-04T00:42:00.000-05:00

acceptance.

struggle.

suffering.

i need to practice more acceptance so that i can struggle less against things the way that they are, and then suffer less as a result.

i did not sleep last night. i stayed up and worried. i stayed up and fantasized about the way i wish things were. i stayed up and fought against things the way they are. i thought about ways i could change-the things i could change-the situations i could change. i spun in circles, cried hot, angry, and frustrated tears. i hoped the tears would tire me out, instead they just made me more tired which made my cry harder.

and then today-in the end, it was all fine.

2011-01-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

wispy little trendils that sneak in and wrap round your heart

right now

2011-01-02T00:30:00.000-05:00

a little list of things that would be nurturing and nourishing right now

*acceptance

*non-judgement

*deep breaths

*turning my phone off

* a chilled glass of water

*night-night tea

* a few chapters from this book

2010-12-31T21:27:00.000-05:00

well that's the one thing we've got

2010-12-31T17:58:00.000-05:00

so it's new year's eve. i wanted to put some thoughts out there before i sip too much of this :)

Today the universe sent me this....

yasmine, soon the new year starts, so now's a great time to:

1. Wipe the slate clean.
2. Focus upon what you really want.
3. Chart your course.

Right?

Well... only if you want to risk having to repeat these steps for the same wishes next year! Maybe this is splitting hairs, but here's an adventurous alternative:

1. Give thanks that life is... just as it is (and that it's been... just as it's been). Because of it, you're now "READY."

2. Define what you want in terms of the end result. Don't worry about the hows, or even the course. KNOW that what you want is ALREADY yours in spirit, by divine LAW, just focus on the certainty of this ownership, understand it, claim it, and "it will be on earth, as it is in heaven (spirit)."

3. LET THE UNIVERSE show you the way via your impulses and instincts that appear as you take inspired action. Don't worry that your first steps seem silly or futile. And if you don't know what to do, do anything! Go! Get busy! Do not insist on intermediary successes, only upon the end result.

2011 is going to be your year (it already is),
The Universe

and i thought... damn. right on. really. i stopped making resolutions a couple of years ago because i put enough pressure on myself as it is, and i don't need to make any huge declarations or proclamations about how i'm going to change everything up, make everything better etc etc etc.

so this year, as the past 2 (maybe 3), i will choose a word. an intention for the year ahead. this year, nurture and nourish keep coming up for me. my horoscope, little snippets read here and there. so i'm thinking that's what i will focus on. nurturing and nourishing my heart, mind, body and soul. i will live with the intention of filling each and every day with something that will serve me in a positive, kind and loving way. i will nourish my mind with loving thoughts, which will in turn, hopefully, drown out the negative ones. i will nourish my body with movement, and nurturing food and beverage. i will embrace yoga as a means of nurturing my body, mind, heart and soul-practicing both on and off of the mat. i will feed myself yummy and delicious things. books, food, music, friends.

in a little while, i will do a rune reading for the year ahead. i will write it up in my journal so i can look to it all year. i will make my delicious rack of lamb. i will watch 'breakfast at tiffany's', i will laugh and probably cry a little, new years always being melancholic for me. i will throw water out the front door at midnight, like i did as a girl with my mom. i will miss him. i will revel in the creation of this evening for myself. and i will love love love as i did yesterday and as i will tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. and this word maitri will fill my mind.

Maitri: "a sanskrit word meaning loving kindness towards all beings. Here, however, as Chogyam Trungpa used the term, it means unlimited friendliness toward ourselves, with the clear implication that this leads naturally to unlimited friendliness toward others. ...also has the meaning of trusting oneself--trusting that we have what it takes to know ourselves thoroughly and completely without feeling hopeless, without turning against ourselves because of what we see."
*taken from "Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears" ~ Pema Chodron ~

I will stay open. I will lead with my heart. I will let my spirit shine. I will sparkle. I will glow.

Welcome 2011, I embrace you.

2010-12-31T16:42:00.000-05:00

2010-12-30T14:49:00.000-05:00

I adore discovering little nuggets of wisdom when I least expect them, and when I need them most.

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” — C.S. Lewis

adrift in the current

2010-12-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

2010-12-29T23:41:00.000-05:00

feeling quiet.
pen to paper results in empty pages.
trying to think of my word for 2011.
attempting to visualize the things that i do want, as opposed to the things i do not want.
manifest.
looking forward to my trip to washington to see my dear friend.
tarot cards, wine, tea, playtime, cry time, hugs and love.
but still. the quiet.

solstice

2010-12-21T21:20:00.000-05:00

winter is wooing me

2010-12-06T23:33:00.001-05:00

snowflakes flutter
illuminated by the streetlamp
as i find myself in a reverie
flirting with a veiled radiance infused with magic and mystery
i twist and twirl
glowing from the rising warmth
diffidence melting away
blood pulsing
lithe body flowing
graceful

.........

dance with me.

♥

2010-12-05T19:29:00.000-05:00

utterly smitten